i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
