Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
