if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
