I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
