my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
