the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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