I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
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He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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