He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
