It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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