dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
