You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
