after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
