Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
