Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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