So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i wish my penis had a tongue
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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