When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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