so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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