I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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