just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
