i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
