You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
