I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize