24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
