I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
