She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
