I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize