i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
