just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
