what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
