so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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