And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
