Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
