you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize