I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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