I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
