Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
