you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We talked him into tasing himself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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