Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
