What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
