just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
