So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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