Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
