your parents love me but you hate me
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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