Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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