I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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