do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
