time to smoke my breakfast
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
