Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
