You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
