i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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