woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
