All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
