i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
