the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
