My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
jump out the window naked night went bad
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
