Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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