he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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