I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
