babies were throwing up all over the place
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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