i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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