did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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