He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
