My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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