My room smells like vodka and shame
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
