omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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