Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
