Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize