I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
